Lasting longer is a skill. Here’s the route.
I’m Frank. For years I finished sooner than I wanted to, and the usual tricks never lasted. What finally worked was training, a bit like a climb, one pitch at a time. This is the route I took, drawn so you can follow it.
- Solo pitch
- Roped with your partner
- Belay: the end of a week
- Approach and descent
You’re not the only one on this wall.
It just isn’t something guys talk about over a beer. According to the Cleveland Clinic, about one man in five between 18 and 59 deals with it, and depending on the study and how you define it, estimates run from 4% to almost 40% of men.
The other thing nobody tells you: real sex is shorter than you think. When couples in five countries timed it with a stopwatch, the median from penetration to ejaculation was 5.4 minutes. Porn is edited, real life isn’t.
So this isn’t about becoming a machine. It’s about a few more minutes, and above all about choosing the moment instead of having it happen to you.
Why I wrote it down
I’ve always had this problem. I didn’t have many partners, and when I was young we were too inexperienced to even talk about it. I’ve been with my partner for a long time now, and we’ve talked about it often. Honestly, it bothered me more than it bothered her, even if she would often have liked it to last a few minutes longer.
I tried everything: Kegels, counting in my head, thinking about my grandmother (yes, that one). Some of it helped for a moment, nothing lasted. Winning those few precious minutes took me years. This program is that path, without the years of searching in the dark.
I’ll be straight with you: even now it doesn’t work every time. But I know what works for me, and when it doesn’t, I know why.
More about meTwelve pitches, one a week.
Nine weeks on your own, then three roped together with your partner. Every week of your access, the next pitch unlocks in your member area.
- Solo pitch
- Roped with your partner
- Belay: the end of a week
- Approach and descent
Week 1: Groundwork
Week 1 · solo
Clear the ground, find the muscle that matters, and get set up to train.
Week 2: Reading the signals
Week 2 · solo
Learn what your body does on the way up, before it is too late.
Week 3: Finding the edge
Week 3 · solo
Locate your point of no return and start working near it.
Week 4: Slowing down
Week 4 · solo
A first tool to bring arousal back down, practised all week.
Week 5: Letting go
Week 5 · solo
A second tool, and a week to make it yours.
Week 6: Your combination
Week 6 · solo
Find out which tools work for your body, and let the mind settle.
Week 7: Endurance
Week 7 · solo
Stay in control for longer, session after session.
Week 8: Endurance, again
Week 8 · solo
Repeat until it stops feeling like luck.
Week 9: Under pressure
Week 9 · solo
Keep control when the stimulation gets much stronger.
Week 10: Roped together
Week 10 · roped
Take stock of the solo route, and start bringing it to your partner.
Week 11: Shared rhythm
Week 11 · roped
Use what you trained while staying present together.
Week 12: Staying up there
Week 12 · roped
Handle the off days and keep what you built.
What’s in the pack, and what you bring
In the pack
- One new pitch every week: what to practise, and why it works.
- A starting point to note on day one, and a quick weekly check-in to see how far you have climbed.
- A journal routine, because the notes you take are what make the next session better.
- “When it gets stuck”, open from day one, for the moments that don’t go to plan.
What you bring
- A quiet moment most days. I used to get up half an hour early for mine.
- Somewhere private to keep a few notes.
- Patience with yourself, especially on the bad days.
Training, not treatment
I’m not a doctor and this doesn’t replace one. Often it’s habit and anxiety, but sometimes there’s a physical cause, and then a doctor comes first. Go and see one if:
- it started suddenly, after a time when everything was fine;
- you also have trouble getting or keeping an erection;
- you have pain or urinary symptoms;
- it began after starting, changing or stopping a medication;
- it weighs on you to the point of feeling low or very anxious.
Based on the American Urological Association guideline and the AAFP review. Read the full medical disclaimer.
How long do you want on the wall?
You pay once for a length of access, not for a subscription. Weeks unlock one at a time, so the length decides how far you can climb. Need more time? Extend whenever you like, with any of the three.
Reaches all 12 weeks
The whole route, solo and roped, at the pace it was written for.
Paid once with Stripe, tax included. Nothing renews automatically.
Questions people ask
Is this a medical treatment?
No. It is a training program written by someone who lived with the problem, not by a doctor. If it started suddenly after years without trouble, if you also have erection problems, pain, or urinary symptoms, or if it began after a change in medication, see a doctor first. The program can come after, or alongside.
Do I need a partner to start?
No. Weeks 1 to 9 are solo training. The last three weeks bring it into sex with your partner, and they will be waiting for you whenever you have one.
How much time does it take?
A short practice most days. Regularity matters far more than long sessions, so pick a moment when nobody will disturb you and keep it.
Is there any video?
No, it is all text. You can read it in bed or on the train and nobody needs to know what you are reading.
What happens when my access ends?
Nothing renews on its own. If you want to keep going, you extend with any of the three durations, and you pick up where you left off.
Will it work for me?
I can't promise that, and I'm wary of anyone who does. Every body reacts differently, which is why the program has you test each tool and keep what works for you. Even now, it doesn't work for me every single time. The difference is that I know why when it doesn't.
The questions everyone asks
- What is premature ejaculation?Coming sooner than you want, almost every time, without feeling you can hold it back, and being bothered by it. Doctors need all three, not just a short time.
- How long should a man last in bed?Measured with a stopwatch, the median is about 5 and a half minutes from penetration to ejaculation. Sex therapists call 3 to 7 minutes adequate and 7 to 13 desirable.
- How common is premature ejaculation?Very common. Depending on the definition, studies find between 4% and 39% of men; about 1 in 5 men aged 18 to 59 in surveys. It’s the most common sexual problem in men.
- Is premature ejaculation psychological or physical?Usually both. Anxiety, stress and relationship tension on one side, sensitivity, erection problems, the prostate or hormones on the other, and habits that tie them together.
- Can premature ejaculation be cured?There’s no switch that turns it off for good, but most men can gain real control. A physical cause can often be dealt with, and the rest responds to training, sometimes with medical help.
- Do Kegel exercises help premature ejaculation?They can. A small 2014 study found most men with lifelong premature ejaculation lasted clearly longer after 12 weeks of pelvic floor training. But strength is only half of it: learning to relax those muscles counts too.